I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
