Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
