So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
