there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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