im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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