Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
