First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
