Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize