What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
