she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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