The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
