It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
