I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
