shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
