Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We got so high we made milksteak
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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