I think I died a long time ago.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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