i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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