I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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