He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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