how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
