and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What a dumb baby whore.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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