I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
