I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
