i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
50% drunk capacity currently
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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