please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
