I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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