You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize