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I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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