He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
