I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
