Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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