Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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