Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
