Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
