he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
