Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
