Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
