Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
