So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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