Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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