Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
