So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
