felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How does one acquire holy water?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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