We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize