the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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