just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
