She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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