he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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