there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
