Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
