how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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