hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I love you. Go after that dick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
