I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
