her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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