i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize