I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I could fuck to npr.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
