The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Can Purell be used as lube?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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