Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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