We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
false alarm. still invincible.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
