i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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