There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize