Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
