I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
