P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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