if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
