Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
