I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
