dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize