I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
