im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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